Shining Light in the Darkness

The journey of healing is often not straight, clear or easy. There can be setbacks. We may fall down a black hole and feel immersed in the darkness, feeling hopeless or scared. Sometimes the fear and upset of others creates a toxic environment and pulls us into their darkness. What can we do at such times? Find a way to shine some light in the darkness. Our wellness can depend on it. And doing so can help us get back on the path to holistic health.

The following are a list of things one can do. None are “the” answer. And all can possibly help.

Breathe: Simple breathing exercises are an approach to a mindfulness practice. You can start without instruction and you don’t need extraordinary capabilities. Just create a quiet space, sit comfortably and breathe slowly and deeply.

Nurture yourself: Do at least one thing a day that you find nurturing, comforting and/or fun. Make a list of those things, with as much variety as you can think of. Some may be more involved, needing more time, money or the participation of others. Budget for those. Others may be simple, such as finding some pictures online that are fun and/or soothing. I had a blast finding images for this blog entry, especially about hugging. I noticed myself having fun, smiling, and feeling good. Another example of a simple joy for me is that I always feel better when I step outside, even briefly, into my back or front yard.

Do something physical: When we exercise, our body releases endorphins which make us feel better. Regular exercise has been proven to have myriad benefits, including reducing stress and improving sleep. The exercise doesn't need to be rigorous. It can be simple, like taking a walk or doing some yard work. Sometimes house work or decluttering can give us a boost. Not only are we moving, we are being productive, which can make us feel better about ourselves. Remember: a little exercise is better than nothing. Think of the Nike slogan: “Just do it.”

Reach out to someone safe. The human animal is a tribal creature. We need human interaction. And when we are “in the darkness”, we can feel particularly lonely. We can also be emotionally vulnerable so that reaching out can feel scary. Or we may feel embarrassed about our state of being and don’t want to face others. Or we may think we are a burden and don’t want to impose. Yet, if we are open, there is often someone who would be glad to be available to us. Dare to reach out and ask for what you want and need. Compassionate human contact can offer solace.

Ask for help: Too often, we expect ourselves to be able to handle any challenge alone. Some of us carry a belief that we “should” be self-sufficient, as if taking care of ourselves means doing it alone. We often need support and guidance to best handle a situation, especially if doing our best means creating change. Changing is difficult. All animals resist change including human animals. So, if you realize that you need to change yourself or something in your life, having support might assist you to do so. Help could look like therapy, coaching, a mentor, a 12-step program or myriad other possibilities.

Get some touch from someone you trust. With rare exceptions, we need touch. This can be another way to ask for help. If you don’t want to talk, find someone willing to do without the conversation, someone who is open to just giving you a hug. Or if you like animals, pet a cat or dog (yours or someone else’s). Or hug a tree. Not open to any of these options? Strange as it may sound, close your eyes and hug yourself. It can feel really good!

Journaling can be a valuable and safe way to vent or otherwise express ourselves. Doing so can often help shift our mental/emotional state. And we sometimes find answers to questions or challenges by journaling.

Write a letter to your sad self from your nurturing self. We all have a variety of aspects. Even those who are chronically depressed might find a part of themselves that is good at nurturing. If you love animals, are good with plants, or smile when you see a beautiful vista, there is a part of you that is kind, gentle and nurturing. Allow that part to nurture yourself. Step into that part and, from that perspective, write a letter of love and compassion to the place in you that is hurting. You might find some wonderful insights coming up from deep within, or just be comforted by a different point of view.

Help someone: Sometimes helping someone else can get us out of our funk. As we help others, we can tap into a sense of purpose, an experience that who we are and what we do matters. Helping others might also help to put our own misfortunes in a different perspective as we experience that others are worse off than we are. And helping someone else can be part of reconnecting to others, supporting us to get out of isolation and re-establishing ourselves as part of a “tribe”. If you don’t know someone to help, explore volunteer opportunities, such as those offered through VolunteerMatch.org.

Be understanding: It is common to be embarrassed by backsliding, and to be frustrated, lonely or depressed at times. What you are experiencing is part of the human condition. Have empathy and compassion for yourself. Let it be okay to feel what you are feeling. Then nudge yourself to take action such as one of the above suggestions. Chances are that if you do take some kind of action, you will start to feel better.

© Bibi Caspari 2015