The
journey of healing is often not straight, clear or easy. There can be setbacks.
We may fall down a black hole and feel immersed in the darkness, feeling
hopeless or scared. Sometimes the fear and upset of others creates a toxic
environment and pulls us into their darkness. What can we do at such times? Find
a way to shine some light in the darkness. Our wellness can depend on it. And
doing so can help us get back on the path to holistic health.
The
following are a list of things one can do. None are “the” answer. And all
can possibly help.
Breathe: Simple breathing
exercises are an approach to a mindfulness practice. You can start without
instruction and you don’t need extraordinary capabilities. Just create a quiet
space, sit comfortably and breathe slowly and deeply.
Nurture yourself: Do at least one thing
a day that you find nurturing, comforting and/or fun. Make a list of those
things, with as much variety as you can think of. Some may be more involved,
needing more time, money or the participation of others. Budget for those.
Others may be simple, such as finding some pictures online that are fun and/or
soothing. I had a blast finding images for this blog entry, especially about
hugging. I noticed myself having fun, smiling, and feeling good. Another example
of a simple joy for me is that I always feel better when I step outside, even
briefly, into my back or front yard.
Do something physical: When we exercise, our
body releases endorphins which make us feel better. Regular exercise has been
proven to have myriad benefits, including reducing stress and improving sleep.
The exercise doesn't need to be rigorous. It can be simple, like taking a
walk or doing some yard work. Sometimes house work or decluttering can give us
a boost. Not only are we moving, we are being productive, which can make us
feel better about ourselves. Remember: a little exercise is better than
nothing. Think of the Nike slogan: “Just do it.”
Reach out to someone safe. The
human animal is a tribal creature. We need human interaction. And when we are
“in the darkness”, we can feel particularly lonely. We can also be emotionally
vulnerable so that reaching out can feel scary. Or we may feel embarrassed
about our state of being and don’t want to face others. Or we may think we are a
burden and don’t want to impose. Yet, if we are open, there is often someone who
would be glad to be available to us. Dare to reach out and ask for what you
want and need. Compassionate human contact can offer solace.
Ask for help: Too often, we expect
ourselves to be able to handle any challenge alone. Some of us carry a belief
that we “should” be self-sufficient, as if taking care of ourselves means doing
it alone. We often need support and guidance to best handle a situation,
especially if doing our best means creating change. Changing is difficult. All
animals resist change including human animals. So, if you realize that you need
to change yourself or something in your life, having support might assist you to
do so. Help could look like therapy, coaching, a mentor, a 12-step program or
myriad other possibilities.
Get some touch from someone you
trust. With rare exceptions, we need touch. This can be another way to ask for
help. If you don’t want to talk, find someone willing to do without the
conversation, someone who is open to just giving you a hug. Or if you like
animals, pet a cat or dog (yours or someone else’s). Or hug a tree. Not open to
any of these options? Strange as it may sound, close your eyes and hug
yourself. It can feel really good!
Journaling can be a valuable and
safe way to vent or otherwise express ourselves. Doing so can often help shift
our mental/emotional state. And we sometimes find answers to questions or
challenges by journaling.
Write a letter to your sad self from
your nurturing self. We all have a variety of aspects. Even those who are
chronically depressed might find a part of themselves that is good at
nurturing. If you love animals, are good with plants, or smile when you see a
beautiful vista, there is a part of you that is kind, gentle and nurturing.
Allow that part to nurture yourself. Step into that part and, from that
perspective, write a letter of love and compassion to the place in you that is hurting.
You might find some wonderful insights coming up from deep within, or just be
comforted by a different point of view.
Help someone: Sometimes helping
someone else can get us out of our funk. As we help others, we can tap into a
sense of purpose, an experience that who we are and what we do matters. Helping
others might also help to put our own misfortunes in a different perspective as
we experience that others are worse off than we are. And helping someone else
can be part of reconnecting to others, supporting us to get out of isolation
and re-establishing ourselves as part of a “tribe”. If you don’t know someone
to help, explore volunteer opportunities, such as those offered through VolunteerMatch.org.
Be understanding: It is common to be
embarrassed by backsliding, and to be frustrated, lonely or depressed at times.
What you are experiencing is part of the human condition. Have empathy and
compassion for yourself. Let it be okay to feel what you are feeling. Then
nudge yourself to take action such as one of the above suggestions. Chances are
that if you do take some kind of action, you will start to feel better.
©
Bibi Caspari 2015
