I want!
I so dearly wanted to go to the very special week-long event
that many of my friends have been to. The mission of the organization is very
much in alignment with some of my key values. Registration was coming up and it
sells out quickly. I needed to decide soon if I were going to go. I did some
research online about the event, listened to the cacophony of my inner voices,
created stillness and silence, and heard a clear “No”.
Hard to say “Yes”
Some people have a hard time saying “Yes” to life. They are
afraid of taking risks, tend to play it safe, and prefer a path that is tried
and true. I have the opposite challenge.
Hard to say “No”
I am an extremely creative, passionate woman. I see
opportunity everywhere. I am bursting with ideas of projects I want to do and
places I want to go to. Consequently, I am very good at creating overwhelm. It
is my biggest challenge. Thankfully, as a coach, I am my own best client. I
regularly meditate and use other disciplines and healing modalities that
support me to clear and center. Through such processes, I get a more refined sense
of who I am and where I want to go that I believe is in alignment with the
highest good. This clarity supports me to be more effective in making choices
that empower me. 
The empowerment of
saying “No”
We need to be able to say “No” to be empowered. We need to
say “No” in order to be able to say “Yes” fully. My greedy inner child wants to
have, do and be it all. But if I don’t say “No” and create clear, powerful
priorities in alignment with my deepest truth of who I am, then I stay in the
stress of overwhelm, create defeat and failure because I’m dispersed. It feels
good and empowering to say “No” appropriately.
Fear of abandonment
Saying “No” can be difficult and confronting. In saying “No”
to a person or opportunity, it can bring up the fear of abandonment. If I say
“No” this time, will I be invited next time? Am I going to be forgotten? Left
behind? Will I get the support I want when I need it?
Fear of the unknown
The richness of life
Even with saying “No” to some directions and opportunities, I
still have multiple focuses. My projects and other facets of my life are connected
to deeply meaningful aspects of myself. It can feel like I constantly grapple
with Sophie’s Choice: which “child” shall I let die? What works for me is
juggling, participating sequentially. For instance, I keep several projects going
simultaneously, though focusing intently on whatever I am choosing to do in the
moment. I find that the various projects can feed me in different ways and so are
synergistic. (Check out a wonderful TED talk about this
approach to life related to being a “multipotentialite”.) Besides, when I create stillness and silence, and
listen clearly, I can usually hear what’s next and thus prioritize effectively.
I can reframe my numerous directions and change overwhelm to abundance. Instead
of feeling stressed, I feel blessed with the richness of life.
Say “Yes” fully
Of course, the point is to say “No” in order to get to a
bigger, stronger, brighter, more powerful “Yes”. Some people never get to a
powerful “Yes”. They make excuses, drag their heels, stay dispersed or hold
back in other ways. Ultimately, the point is to say “Yes” fully, to make a
commitment and give oneself wholly to the choice one makes. While there can be
challenges along the way, a powerful “Yes” is the door to joy and bliss.
© Bibi Caspari 2015
