What, again?
In
personal development, people often get frustrated when facing the same old
issue again and again. Fear of failure, running away from confrontation,
succumbing to temptations – whatever the issue, it tends to be present in our
lives and in our healing work repeatedly.
Peeling the onion
Often
we are told by therapists or others who support us that healing and personal
growth is a process. The image of peeling the onion is used as a metaphor. When
a layer of an onion is peeled away, there is another layer underneath. When we
are working on healing an issue, while we can make progress, it is like peeling
away a layer. Another layer of the same stuff is underneath. We have to face it
again. Perhaps it looks a bit different or has a lesser intensity but
nevertheless, it’s essentially the same stuff. I think that the image of
peeling the onion is supposed to help us be compassionate with ourselves by
helping us understand that it is inevitable to have to face our issues
repeatedly. After all, our issues are our issues. In some ways, they don’t
really change. In peeling the onion, perhaps we uncover and discover something
about an issue and understand it more. Or there is less of the issue/onion as
we go deeper. Or we no longer need to cry when peeling it.
The endless task
However,
for many people, the onion image really doesn’t seem to be soothing. After all,
the layers seem endless, perhaps even infinite. We keep peeling and the
frigging onion is still there! Instead of being a way to compassionately
explain the process of healing, the onion image can emphasize the futility of
personal development. Or at least that was the way it sometimes looked to me.
Until I started to have experiences that changed my perspective.
A new world
Yes,
the onion/issue was always there. Yes, I would continue to find ways to process
and heal the issue. Yes, it would appear less often and less intensely in my
life. And then, all of a sudden, one day, it was gone! I don’t even remember
what triggered the shift or what specific issue I was dealing with, but
suddenly, it was like I was in a different world. There was this universe in
which I and my onion, uh, issue, existed. And I was forever peeling the damn
thing. And then suddenly, it was gone, totally gone, as if in a different
parallel universe in which I could look across, like Alice through the looking
glass, see that other world where the onion existed and yet be free of it. Here
and now, where I presently was, it didn’t exist. I was at peace. Liberated.
What joy! It was blissful. Later, a shift happened and I was back in the world
where the issue existed. Yet, that world would never be the same because I had
inhabited, for even a moment, that other world in which the issue didn’t exist.
Living in two worlds
Since
then, I continue to peel the onion while I simultaneously cultivate my ability
to travel to and live in that alternative dimension, the one without the onion. I have since learned that the issues disappear,
not by repressing them or detaching from the world and others, but by healing,
and by opening my heart, mind and being more fully. As
time goes on and I do more of my inner work, I seem to be getting better at
disappearing the onion.
©
2012 Bibi Caspari
As an "empath," who was born with an expanded consciousness, who was raised in a dysfunctional family and experienced a lot of emotional abuse (of course, who hasn't?) I can relate to the "onion skin" concept. As a damaged teenager, with no identity, it was either end my life or figure out who I was through research. Which one did I choose? Actually, I choose to do both. I ended the life of the damaged little boy that had nothing to do with who I truly was through consciously researching information through reading books and searching for “enlightened gurus.” As a result, I found the answers I needed, which led to an understanding and embracing of who I am today. While I was once told that I had no aptitude for college, I earned five college degrees. I'm a health educator, physical therapist, and an artist . . . I counsel clients, lecture and write books on human behavior, the healing power of forgiveness and what it means to live with Love. The core element involved with "healing—(to be make whole again on a psychological and soul level), is not to "disappear the onion," as each new layer of the onion is exposed; the healing occurs when we embrace each layer. As I came to understand and teach others: The story we are living is the "effect," but the stories behind the story are the "causes." While one can deny the stories that made us who we are, the denial is not healing . . . because below the level of consciousness, those elements of our “shadow side” that we would rather not deal with, are still there and influencing the level of peace, joy, self-acceptance, and self-love that we experience in the here and now. Many a time, through my own "spiritual and inner work," I thought that I had disappeared the onion, only to have it periodically reappear with a vengeance. And then I'd emotionally beat myself up since I considered myself to be "spiritual" and I should have known better. When at my lowest point in life, the discovery that my terminally-lll wife had been betraying our relationship--the "crack in the bell" that allowed the Light to enter, I finally received the information I needed most. The download from the Powers that be, Consciousness--the source of all knowledge, taught me about forgiveness of self and others on a core level . . . and what it means to authentically live with Love. Ultimately, the transcendence we are searching for . . . the healing and peace we wish to achieve occurs when we embrace past experiences, all the layers of the onion skin, with Love, especially the most painful. They are a big part of the current "story we are now living” . . .
ReplyDeletePart 2 of my comment (While part 1 was erroneously published "anonymously," I am, Edward Lee Goldstein the author of the comment about the "story behind the story." And I claim authorship of what follows to complete my thoughts about "pealing back the onion skin.") Ultimately, the transcendence we are searching for . . . the healing and peace we wish to achieve occurs when we embrace past experiences, all the layers of the onion skin, with Love, especially the most painful. They are a big part of the current "story we are now living” . . .They are etched in memory and make us who we are today. If we embrace them in the same way we would embrace that favorite teacher we had in school--that mentor who changed the course of our life; we can embrace every experience with gratitude and Love. Life has taught me that those painful, anger, shame, guilt and blame generating past experiences sculpted us into who we now are today. As part of the story behind the story, they are forever etched in our psyche. I call them “scars” to our psyche.” (A scar is a reminder that at one time there was painful damage done to our body, but the pain is now minimal or non existent). As we evolve in an understanding of what influences our moods and states of being, the triggering of those scars occurs less and less often. However, when they do occur, being MINDFUL of what is occurring, one can acknowledge past memories as “friendly reminders of how far we have come.” We can actually say to them: “Thank you for reminding me of my strength to overcome challenges . . . I acknowledge I am a triumphant, thriving human being who learns important lessons from every experience so I don’t have to make the same mistakes or experience similar painful results . . . And now that you have reminded me . . . you are dismissed.” Along with what I have shared, if one is truly in search of “truth”—pealing back the onion skins that reveal answers and solutions that generate the peace, joy, and the healing we deserve and desire, I highly recommend reading one of the books I’ve written: The Human Thing Explained: Taming The Lizard & The Dog, Forgiving & Living With Love. While we are “spiritual beings,” we do have a physical body that makes its own demands on how we behave. And yes, as Abraham Maslow has proposed: There is a hierarchy of human needs that must be fulfilled in order to survive physically, but to also thrive psychologically as individuals and as social beings. If one really wants answers, please contact me at EdwardLeeGee@aim.com and I will send you synopses of consciousness-expanding, life-enhancing books that resulted from the pealing back of my own onion skins. As one of my readers told me after reading “The Human Thing Explained: “That book changed my perception of what this life is all about. It answered most of the questions I had about human, humane . . . and our inhumane behavior toward myself and others. And with that information came healing in many areas of my life.”
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