The Value of Darkness

The Need for Shadow

Without darkness and shadow, there is no depth. Ask any artist. We see depth and form through contrast. Shading and shadow in juxtaposition with light brings out the fullness of three dimensionality. Everything is flat in the harshness of just light.

The Problem with “Positivity”

A while ago, I pulled away from a friend of mine I used to be very close to. Why? He is so extremely “positive”. What’s wrong with being positive? Nothing, if it’s one of many colors. But if it’s the only color in the emotional spectrum, then I find it problematic. I dislike being with someone who only shares the light, who seems unwilling or unable to be present and alive with the shadow as well. Someone like that seems flat to me, lacking depth and fullness.

 

Embracing the Shadow and the Light

I don’t see anything wrong with feeling sad, angry, upset, afraid, or any one of a number of emotions that are often thought of as being “negative”. All emotions have value and messages. I do find it a problem to be stuck in any one emotion or state of being, even positivity. Looking at only the bright side is a lie. In real life, there is shadow, shade and darkness as well as light. There is a fullness and truth to accepting that. To embrace both the emotional shadow as well as the emotional light allows me to process and see a situation more fully for what it is, what it means, and what I can and need to do about it.

Authenticity

To me, “positivity” is like being in the desert with no shade and no moisture. I need the shade, the shadow, the moisture, the tears, the emotional fullness. Light without shadow to me is harsh. Ultimately, I experience “positive” people, not as being positive but as being in denial. I felt frustrated being with my friend because I felt like I couldn’t be authentically, fully myself. The moment I shared anything related to a challenge, or exhibited any of the darker emotions, he would jump in with comments that, for him, meant looking at the “positive” and bright side of the situation. I’m not interested in cutting off part of myself, part of life. I want to feel it all. I want to be authentically, fully alive. What has higher value to me than being positive is being authentic - experiencing and expressing the full range of emotions. I believe this gives me a deeper source of knowing and the possibility of living a fuller, richer life.

© 2017

Love Is a Many-Splendored Thing

The man next door

“He loved you; you know that.” said the woman who was his partner for 15 years. He was an old, somewhat crotchety man who had a cabin next door to mine up in the Sierras. He had emphysema and still smoked, with his oxygen tank next to him like some kind of obedient puppy. He told me of his massive collection of DVDs and would invite me over to watch movies. I would always bow out. He would see me working on my ½ acre - clearing, hauling wood, whatever needed doing. And occasionally would make comments of a slightly suggestive nature. I would feel a little uncomfortable. Thinking about it, I would realize he probably meant well, though his communication sometimes seemed crude to me.

His partner

He passed away last week. His partner was standing in front of me, shaking, distraught. I am fond of her, so I hugged and comforted her, encouraging her to breathe and to allow herself to feel instead of swallowing and pushing down her grief. “I suppose I can carry wood” she said. “Yes, that would be good. Carry wood.” I reply.

Love?

We are part of a very small, rural community. Many of us have a closeness and are sort of family. If I had thought about it, I knew the old man cared for me, was fond of me, and yet love? I think to myself: “No, I didn’t know he loved me”, though I can see the love in my memories of him, such as how he kept an eye on my cabin when I wasn’t around. Or the happiness that came through our exchange when we first saw each other after the evacuation for the wild fires was lifted. Thank you, sister, for the lesson and reminder. Yes, love can look very different than our expectations allow. 

© 2017