tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-80241315447382174602024-03-13T14:33:53.994-07:00Disappearing the OnionExploring Personal DevelopmentUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8024131544738217460.post-40248674181643720972018-06-06T12:15:00.001-07:002018-06-06T12:15:22.140-07:00Transforming the “Ick” Factor<br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The “ick” factor</span></b></div>
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<span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was up at my cabin,
working at my desk. I looked outside and saw a massive amount of insects
swarming. An “ick” factor for me since I generally don’t like insects. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Discovery transforms “ick” to “joy”<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TthHK4VuaDk/WxgvUZ87KrI/AAAAAAAAA-E/ZH9YmFiPnuM9zpjpN4JOB2aUpHc5NLRjACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_1333B.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1105" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TthHK4VuaDk/WxgvUZ87KrI/AAAAAAAAA-E/ZH9YmFiPnuM9zpjpN4JOB2aUpHc5NLRjACLcBGAs/s400/IMG_1333B.jpg" width="276" /></span></a><span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Later that day, I
went outside to do some work on my shed. A ladybug landed on me. I smiled, then
noticed other ladybugs crawling on the shed. I realized that the swarming
insects were ladybugs! All of a sudden, the “ick” factor transformed to a “joy”
factor. Was it the thought of the childhood ditty about ladybugs flying home?
Or the thought that ladybugs eat aphids and other pests and so are supportive
to gardeners?</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The power of reframing</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Whatever the reason,
my initial thoughts about swarming insects created an unpleasant reality and
then different thoughts totally transformed my reaction to the same situation
to create a very different reality. How powerful our thoughts are! Here’s to
creating more pleasant situations just by framing them that way!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">However…</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(Sometimes reframing isn’t
appropriate or doesn’t work. Sometimes there is a reality that isn’t pleasant
that is important to face, tell the truth about as it is and deal with.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">© 2018</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8024131544738217460.post-80774101142535710402017-04-20T15:47:00.000-07:002017-04-20T15:47:56.557-07:00The Value of Darkness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zzNYYJ5eoYU/WNMqr-ONTTI/AAAAAAAAAx4/_gyCmVwIVHgh86FbrGBEttgPpuOFKHaWQCPcB/s1600/Shadow.light%2B2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zzNYYJ5eoYU/WNMqr-ONTTI/AAAAAAAAAx4/_gyCmVwIVHgh86FbrGBEttgPpuOFKHaWQCPcB/s320/Shadow.light%2B2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">The Need for Shadow<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Without darkness and shadow, there is no depth. Ask any artist. We see depth and form through contrast. Shading and shadow in juxtaposition with light brings out the fullness of three dimensionality. Everything is flat in the harshness of just light.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">The Problem with “Positivity”<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">A while ago, I pulled away from a friend of mine I used to be very close to. Why? He is so extremely “positive”. What’s wrong with being positive? Nothing, if it’s one of many colors. But if it’s the only color in the emotional spectrum, then I find it problematic. I dislike being with someone who only shares the light, who seems unwilling or unable to be present and alive with the shadow as well. Someone like that seems flat to me, lacking depth and fullness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RrNZtXfOFMs/WNMtEbCNX_I/AAAAAAAAAxU/mhod_VlNv1UnAvK_YI3D9K9RgvU_zpzZwCLcB/s1600/Shadow.light%2B1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; color: #6699cc; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-decoration-line: none;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RrNZtXfOFMs/WNMtEbCNX_I/AAAAAAAAAxU/mhod_VlNv1UnAvK_YI3D9K9RgvU_zpzZwCLcB/s320/Shadow.light%2B1.jpg" style="border: none; position: relative;" width="213" /></a><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Embracing the Shadow and the Light<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I don’t see anything wrong with feeling sad, angry, upset, afraid, or any one of a number of emotions that are often thought of as being “negative”. All emotions have value and messages. I do find it a problem to be stuck in any one emotion or state of being, even positivity. Looking at only the bright side is a lie. In real life, there is shadow, shade and darkness as well as light. There is a fullness and truth to </span><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">accepting that. To embrace both the emotional shadow as well as the emotional light allows me to process and see a situation more fully for what it is, what it means, and what I can and need to do about it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Authenticity<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">To me, “positivity” is like being in the desert with no shade and no moisture. I need the shade, the shadow, the moisture, the tears, the emotional fullness. Light without shadow to me is harsh. Ultimately, I experience “positive” people, not as being positive but as being in denial. I felt frustrated being with my friend because I felt like I couldn’t be authentically, fully myself. The moment I shared anything related to a challenge, or exhibited any of the darker emotions, he would jump in with comments that, for him, meant looking at the “positive” and bright side of the situation. I’m not interested in cutting off part of myself, part of life. I want to feel it all. I want to be authentically, fully alive. What has higher value to me than being positive is being authentic - experiencing and expressing the full range of emotions. I believe this gives me a deeper source of knowing and the possibility of living a fuller, richer life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">© 2017</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8024131544738217460.post-77459237122131915992017-03-08T16:22:00.000-08:002017-03-23T08:10:14.879-07:00Love Is a Many-Splendored Thing <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Wt3-JD70pB8/WMCbp1OKZgI/AAAAAAAAAv0/u7ja38nnZk8jCtV0Xk_JpcbuZrxTbMI-ACLcB/s1600/Many%2Bsplendored%2B2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Wt3-JD70pB8/WMCbp1OKZgI/AAAAAAAAAv0/u7ja38nnZk8jCtV0Xk_JpcbuZrxTbMI-ACLcB/s200/Many%2Bsplendored%2B2.jpg" width="147" /></span></a></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The man next door</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“He loved you; you
know that.” said the woman who was his partner for 15 years. He was an old, somewhat
crotchety man who had a cabin next door to mine up in the Sierras. He had
emphysema and still smoked, with his oxygen tank next to him like some kind of
obedient puppy. He told me of his massive collection of DVDs and would invite
me over to watch movies. I would always bow out. He would see me working on my
½ acre - clearing, hauling wood, whatever needed doing. And occasionally</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">would
make comments of a slightly suggestive nature. I would feel a little
uncomfortable. Thinking about it, I would realize he probably meant well, though
his communication sometimes seemed crude to me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">His partner</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He passed away last
week. His partner was standing in front of me, shaking, distraught. I am fond
of her, so I hugged and comforted her, encouraging her to breathe and to allow
herself to feel instead of swallowing and pushing down her grief. “I suppose I
can carry wood” she said. “Yes, that would be good. Carry wood.” I reply.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Love?</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We are part of a very
small, rural community. Many of us have a closeness and are sort of family. If
I had thought about it, I knew the old man cared for me, was fond of me, and yet love? I think to myself: “No, I
didn’t know he loved me”, though I can see the love in my memories of him, such as how
he kept an eye on my cabin when I wasn’t around. Or the happiness that came
through our exchange when we first saw each other after the evacuation for the
wild fires was lifted. Thank you, sister, for the lesson and
reminder. Yes, love can look very different than our expectations allow. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">© 2017 </span><br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8024131544738217460.post-27866141990449084132015-03-11T10:41:00.000-07:002015-12-26T09:09:20.417-08:00The Empowerment of Saying “No”<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I want!<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I so dearly wanted to go to the very special week-long event
that many of my friends have been to. The mission of the organization is very
much in alignment with some of my key values. Registration was coming up and it
sells out quickly. I needed to decide soon if I were going to go. I did some
research online about the event, listened to the cacophony of my inner voices,
created stillness and silence, and heard a clear “No”. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hard to say “Yes”<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Some people have a hard time saying “Yes” to life. They are
afraid of taking risks, tend to play it safe, and prefer a path that is tried
and true. I have the opposite challenge. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hard to say “No”<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-oVZ2ZPw5Vbs/VQB6eP4ecoI/AAAAAAAAAa8/kLwTuTPAbbg/s1600/Saying%2BNo%2B1.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-oVZ2ZPw5Vbs/VQB6eP4ecoI/AAAAAAAAAa8/kLwTuTPAbbg/s1600/Saying%2BNo%2B1.gif" width="193" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am an extremely creative, passionate woman. I see
opportunity everywhere. I am bursting with ideas of projects I want to do and
places I want to go to. Consequently, I am very good at creating overwhelm. It
is my biggest challenge. Thankfully, as a coach, I am my own best client. I
regularly meditate and use other disciplines and healing modalities that
support me to clear and center. Through such processes, I get a more refined sense
of who I am and where I want to go that I believe is in alignment with the
highest good. This clarity supports me to be more effective in making choices
that empower me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2J0TP3bL3H4/VQB7Jxe3KvI/AAAAAAAAAbE/-wnJTC6ceHo/s1600/Saying%2BNo%2B6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2J0TP3bL3H4/VQB7Jxe3KvI/AAAAAAAAAbE/-wnJTC6ceHo/s1600/Saying%2BNo%2B6.jpg" width="200" /></span></a></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The empowerment of
saying “No”<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We need to be able to say “No” to be empowered. We need to
say “No” in order to be able to say “Yes” fully. My greedy inner child wants to
have, do and be it all. But if I don’t say “No” and create clear, powerful
priorities in alignment with my deepest truth of who I am, then I stay in the
stress of overwhelm, create defeat and failure because I’m dispersed. It feels
good and empowering to say “No” appropriately. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Fear of abandonment<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Saying “No” can be difficult and confronting. In saying “No”
to a person or opportunity, it can bring up the fear of abandonment. If I say
“No” this time, will I be invited next time? Am I going to be forgotten? Left
behind? Will I get the support I want when I need it?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dFyV4Hi3YDg/VQB6d-q6y2I/AAAAAAAAAak/S15zqs1E5Lw/s1600/Saying%2BNo%2B2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="133" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dFyV4Hi3YDg/VQB6d-q6y2I/AAAAAAAAAak/S15zqs1E5Lw/s1600/Saying%2BNo%2B2.jpg" width="200" /></span></a></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Fear of the unknown<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In making a choice, I may also experience the fear of
letting go and of the unknown. What am I missing in the path not taken? What
repercussions is this choice going to have? It can be particularly difficult in
times of transition and flux when I may be uncertain of exactly what I want to
say “Yes” to. Sometimes, it’s important to take a huge risk and live in the
question. It may be important and powerful to wait and stay open; to not make a
decision too quickly, even though the uncertainty can be very scary. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-32_j4noihIA/VQB6eVaA5zI/AAAAAAAAAas/_Ta3Lt9xC4Y/s1600/Saying%2BNo%2B4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-32_j4noihIA/VQB6eVaA5zI/AAAAAAAAAas/_Ta3Lt9xC4Y/s1600/Saying%2BNo%2B4.jpg" /></span></a><b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The richness of life<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Even with saying “No” to some directions and opportunities, I
still have multiple focuses. My projects and other facets of my life are connected
to deeply meaningful aspects of myself. It can feel like I constantly grapple
with Sophie’s Choice: which “child” shall I let die? What works for me is
juggling, participating sequentially. For instance, I keep several projects going
simultaneously, though focusing intently on whatever I am choosing to do in the
moment. I find that the various projects can feed me in different ways and so are
synergistic. (Check out a wonderful <a href="https://www.ted.com/speakers/emilie_wapnick">TED talk</a> about this
approach to life related to being a “multipotentialite”.) Besides, when I create stillness and silence, and
listen clearly, I can usually hear what’s next and thus prioritize effectively.
I can reframe my numerous directions and change overwhelm to abundance. Instead
of feeling stressed, I feel blessed with the richness of life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2irMJ-b_fXc/VQB6eCe24fI/AAAAAAAAAao/hbYV0pX-Iz4/s1600/Saying%2BNo%2B3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="269" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2irMJ-b_fXc/VQB6eCe24fI/AAAAAAAAAao/hbYV0pX-Iz4/s1600/Saying%2BNo%2B3.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Say “Yes” fully<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Of course, the point is to say “No” in order to get to a
bigger, stronger, brighter, more powerful “Yes”. Some people never get to a
powerful “Yes”. They make excuses, drag their heels, stay dispersed or hold
back in other ways. Ultimately, the point is to say “Yes” fully, to make a
commitment and give oneself wholly to the choice one makes. While there can be
challenges along the way, a powerful “Yes” is the door to joy and bliss.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">© Bibi Caspari 2015</span><o:p></o:p></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8024131544738217460.post-13121783589441653952015-02-13T13:56:00.001-08:002015-03-11T10:42:55.984-07:00The Butterfly’s Struggle<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gL4AiszLpls/VN5xYRmg_KI/AAAAAAAAAZU/cabPyMcClB4/s1600/Full%2Brange%2Bmetamorphosis.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gL4AiszLpls/VN5xYRmg_KI/AAAAAAAAAZU/cabPyMcClB4/s1600/Full%2Brange%2Bmetamorphosis.jpg" height="106" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">In
my youth, in the beginning of my mime-dance career, I drew a picture of a woman
encased in a cocoon. Faint lines around the cocoon indicated vibrations and
struggle. It was a time in my life that I was dealing with a lot of frustrations,
felt bound by them, and was struggling to get out. Yet the cocoon was also a
safe haven, a refuge that I had created. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Metamorphosis</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; text-align: justify;">Soon
after, I developed a movement piece entitled “Metamorphosis”. It depicted the
story of the butterfly from egg to caterpillar to chrysalis to butterfly. Each
stage and the transition from one stage to another was an analogy of human
psychological development. I represented the cocoon by wrapping myself within
the confines of my own arms. To evolve into the beauty and lightness of the
butterfly, I needed to liberate myself from my own self-made armor. I struggled
to do so until I gained my freedom, rebirthing as a butterfly.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">The value of struggle</span></b></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-b3N6yd77bUA/VN5xYT8k-rI/AAAAAAAAAZQ/-87Ebazxdbw/s1600/Butterfly%2Bfrom%2Bpupa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-b3N6yd77bUA/VN5xYT8k-rI/AAAAAAAAAZQ/-87Ebazxdbw/s1600/Butterfly%2Bfrom%2Bpupa.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Sometimes
struggle is necessary in order to become liberated from circumstances in which we
find ourselves or from confines of our own making. The struggle can precede and
lead to a rebirth and metamorphosis into a more beautiful and evolved being. Rather
than fear struggle or judge ourselves for struggling, it can be best to examine
if the struggle is necessary since sometimes we create struggle out of the
dysfunctional need to have a battle with someone or something. However, if the
struggle is needed, then I think it is best to allow it to be okay, get on with
it, learn from it, and do it with as much love, grace and compassion as possible. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Perhaps not</span></b></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; text-align: justify;">FYI:
There is a story that’s gone around the internet of a man who freed a butterfly
that was struggling to get out of its cocoon. Supposedly, it proceeded to die because
it needed the struggle to push blood into its wings. Well, that story is an
urban legend. It’s just not true. During the normal development of the insect, the
pupa bursts allowing the butterfly to emerge. It’s an easy transition without
struggle. Makes me wonder how much of our struggles are really normal, healthy
or necessary!</span></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qr4BkUqJElQ/VN5xYHIk0_I/AAAAAAAAAZM/iTj3pEo-L5w/s1600/butterfly.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qr4BkUqJElQ/VN5xYHIk0_I/AAAAAAAAAZM/iTj3pEo-L5w/s1600/butterfly.jpg" height="266" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 20.7900009155273px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">© Bibi Caspari 2015</span></span></div>
<o:p></o:p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8024131544738217460.post-82051435878507863842015-01-29T19:20:00.001-08:002015-03-11T10:44:02.309-07:00Shining Light in the Darkness<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hzTRE97Tq1E/VMrxhYyFQ4I/AAAAAAAAAXI/pNoh32lq4kE/s1600/Light%2Bto%2BDark%2B1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hzTRE97Tq1E/VMrxhYyFQ4I/AAAAAAAAAXI/pNoh32lq4kE/s1600/Light%2Bto%2BDark%2B1.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The
journey of healing is often not straight, clear or easy. There can be setbacks.
We may fall down a black hole and feel immersed in the darkness, feeling
hopeless or scared. Sometimes the fear and upset of others creates a toxic
environment and pulls us into their darkness. What can we do at such times? Find
a way to shine some light in the darkness. Our wellness can depend on it. And
doing so can help us get back on the path to holistic health.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The
following are a list of things one can do. None are “the” answer. And all
can possibly help.</span></div>
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<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">Breathe:</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"> Simple breathing
exercises are an approach to a mindfulness practice. You can start without
instruction and you don’t need extraordinary capabilities. Just create a quiet
space, sit comfortably and breathe slowly and deeply.</span></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RPJdEj-OOLE/VMrzUe4YUsI/AAAAAAAAAXg/lOFk9FR67DM/s1600/Light%2Bto%2BDark%2B3B.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RPJdEj-OOLE/VMrzUe4YUsI/AAAAAAAAAXg/lOFk9FR67DM/s1600/Light%2Bto%2BDark%2B3B.jpg" height="200" width="171" /></a><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">Nurture yourself:</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"> Do at least one thing
a day that you find nurturing, comforting and/or fun. Make a list of those
things, with as much variety as you can think of. Some may be more involved,
needing more time, money or the participation of others. Budget for those.
Others may be simple, such as finding some pictures online that are fun and/or
soothing. I had a blast finding images for this blog entry, especially about
hugging. I noticed myself having fun, smiling, and feeling good. Another example
of a simple joy for me is that I always feel better when I step outside, even
briefly, into my back or front yard.</span></div>
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<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">Do something physical:</b><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> When we exercise, our
body releases endorphins which make us feel better. Regular exercise has been
proven to have myriad benefits, including reducing stress and improving sleep.
The exercise doesn't need to be rigorous. It can be simple, like taking a
walk or doing some yard work. Sometimes house work or decluttering can give us
a boost. Not only are we moving, we are being productive, which can make us
feel better about ourselves. Remember: a little exercise is better than
nothing. Think of the Nike slogan: “Just do it.”</span></span><br />
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</div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-aKI58vbf-bc/VMryw-rwySI/AAAAAAAAAXY/i77N6Gt-528/s1600/Light%2Bto%2BDark%2B2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-aKI58vbf-bc/VMryw-rwySI/AAAAAAAAAXY/i77N6Gt-528/s1600/Light%2Bto%2BDark%2B2.jpg" height="118" width="200" /></a><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"></b><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"><b style="font-weight: bold; text-indent: -0.25in;">Reach out</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"><b> to someone safe. </b>The
human animal is a tribal creature. We need human interaction. And when we are
“in the darkness”, we can feel particularly lonely. We can also be emotionally
vulnerable so that reaching out can feel scary. Or we may feel embarrassed
about our state of being and don’t want to face others. Or we may think we are a
burden and don’t want to impose. Yet, if we are open, there is often someone who
would be glad to be available to us. Dare to reach out and ask for what you
want and need. Compassionate human contact can offer solace.</span></span></div>
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<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"><br /></b></div>
</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-QHHhAsx-mWY/VMr4SRU686I/AAAAAAAAAYI/62UvHjLevHU/s1600/Light%2Bto%2BDark%2B7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-QHHhAsx-mWY/VMr4SRU686I/AAAAAAAAAYI/62UvHjLevHU/s1600/Light%2Bto%2BDark%2B7.jpg" height="136" width="200" /></a><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"></b><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"><b style="font-weight: bold; text-indent: -0.25in;">Ask for help:</b><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">Too often, we expect
ourselves to be able to handle any challenge alone. Some of us carry a belief
that we “should” be self-sufficient, as if taking care of ourselves means doing
it alone. We often need support and guidance to best handle a situation,
especially if doing our best means creating change. Changing is difficult. All
animals resist change including human animals. So, if you realize that you need
to change yourself or something in your life, having support might assist you to
do so. Help could look like therapy, coaching, a mentor, a 12-step program or
myriad other possibilities.</span></span></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DCAe_9GQY1o/VMr3v50RRPI/AAAAAAAAAYA/l17NXky26eg/s1600/Light%2Bto%2BDark%2B9B.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DCAe_9GQY1o/VMr3v50RRPI/AAAAAAAAAYA/l17NXky26eg/s1600/Light%2Bto%2BDark%2B9B.jpg" height="109" width="200" /></a></div>
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-F4rNcszUWts/VMr2s1ETuxI/AAAAAAAAAX0/gsDt_QuU7dU/s1600/Light%2Bto%2BDark%2B10B.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-F4rNcszUWts/VMr2s1ETuxI/AAAAAAAAAX0/gsDt_QuU7dU/s1600/Light%2Bto%2BDark%2B10B.jpg" /></a><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"></b><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"><b style="font-weight: bold; text-indent: -0.25in;">Get some touch</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"><b> from someone you
trust. </b>With rare exceptions, we need touch. This can be another way to ask for
help. If you don’t want to talk, find someone willing to do without the
conversation, someone who is open to just giving you a hug. Or if you like
animals, pet a cat or dog (yours or someone else’s). Or hug a tree. Not open to
any of these options? Strange as it may sound, close your eyes and hug
yourself. It can feel really good!</span></span></div>
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<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">Journaling</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"> can be a valuable and
safe way to vent or otherwise express ourselves. Doing so can often help shift
our mental/emotional state. And we sometimes find answers to questions or
challenges by journaling.</span></div>
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<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">Write a letter</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"> to your sad self from
your nurturing self. We all have a variety of aspects. Even those who are
chronically depressed might find a part of themselves that is good at
nurturing. If you love animals, are good with plants, or smile when you see a
beautiful vista, there is a part of you that is kind, gentle and nurturing.
Allow that part to nurture yourself. Step into that part and, from that
perspective, write a letter of love and compassion to the place in you that is hurting.
You might find some wonderful insights coming up from deep within, or just be
comforted by a different point of view.</span></div>
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<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">Help someone:</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"> Sometimes helping
someone else can get us out of our funk. As we help others, we can tap into a
sense of purpose, an experience that who we are and what we do matters. Helping
others might also help to put our own misfortunes in a different perspective as
we experience that others are worse off than we are. And helping someone else
can be part of reconnecting to others, supporting us to get out of isolation
and re-establishing ourselves as part of a “tribe”. If you don’t know someone
to help, explore volunteer opportunities, such as those offered through </span><a href="http://www.volunteermatch.org/" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">VolunteerMatch.org</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">.</span></div>
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</div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-aciMzz28ILU/VMr2Ugz1wGI/AAAAAAAAAXs/8BG5Blc_7eg/s1600/IMG_0247C.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-aciMzz28ILU/VMr2Ugz1wGI/AAAAAAAAAXs/8BG5Blc_7eg/s1600/IMG_0247C.jpg" height="200" width="124" /></a><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"></b><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"><b style="font-weight: bold; text-indent: -0.25in;">Be understanding:</b><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">It is common to be
embarrassed by backsliding, and to be frustrated, lonely or depressed at times.
What you are experiencing is part of the human condition. Have empathy and
compassion for yourself. Let it be okay to feel what you are feeling. Then
nudge yourself to take action such as one of the above suggestions. Chances are
that if you do take some kind of action, you will start to feel better.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">©
Bibi Caspari 2015</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8024131544738217460.post-70597936194144114972015-01-15T11:09:00.005-08:002015-03-11T10:36:07.956-07:00I’m a "10"!<div class="MsoNormal">
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A Special Story</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was at a friend’s memorial that I received the gift of hearing
a very special story. He was a very generous person, both to individuals and
societally. He touched many lives with his goodness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He founded a non-profit organization that mentored young
people. At his memorial, a woman, who had already faced many challenges in her
young life, shared how my friend had mentored her, including helping to build
her self-esteem. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A Clean Slate<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He told her that every morning she had a chance to begin
over, leaving mistakes behind. She could start each day with a clean slate as a
“10”. And he repeated this truth to her until she got it, believed it and was
ready to start every morning with confidence and enthusiasm. As she spoke, she
was close to tears, acknowledging how much my friend changed her life for the
good. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Inspired to Action<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was deeply moved by this story and loved the thought
behind it. It inspired me. When I got home, I put “I’m a 10!” on an index card
and put the card behind my pillow. Every morning upon arising, I look at the
card and remind myself that “I’m a 10!”. The practice supports my subconscious
mind to relax and feel good about myself as I awaken and get out of bed. I read
that card and I simply feel really good! That positive affirmation supports me
to practice self-acknowledgement and self-love. We need both.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Blissful Awakening</span></b></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sZ3U00kyopc/VLgQPwPO4aI/AAAAAAAAAV4/lBqCcZbDK0M/s1600/Im%2Ba%2B10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sZ3U00kyopc/VLgQPwPO4aI/AAAAAAAAAV4/lBqCcZbDK0M/s1600/Im%2Ba%2B10.jpg" height="129" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Of course, all my problems don’t suddenly disappear. This
positive thought helps me to shift my perspective to feel good about myself. In
doing so, it encourages my subconscious mind to find remedies for my mistakes
and solutions to my challenges. It is one of the things I do that helps me wake
up feeling positive, pro-active, enthusiastic and joyful.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Being a “10”<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What does “I’m a 10” mean to me? It means that I can forgive
myself for any transgressions, let go of any mistakes, and start each day anew
with love for myself and for others. Specifically, it means my choice on a
daily basis to:</span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Forgive myself and others.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Live in gratitude.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Live in goodness.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Make choices that are right for me
and that are in alignment with the highest good.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Be authentically, joyfully who I
am.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Contribute to the world, lovingly
using the gifts I’ve been given.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Be at peace.</span></li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I choose to start each day in alignment with these thoughts.
I find that doing so has made a huge difference in my life. I eagerly jump out
of bed, looking forward to and excited about the day ahead.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What would being a “10” mean to you? Whatever it may mean, I
would encourage you to start out each day knowing that you are a “10”,
embracing life being the best you can be. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">© Bibi Caspari 2015</span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8024131544738217460.post-47961059739002918752015-01-08T18:33:00.003-08:002015-03-11T10:45:24.389-07:00The Journey and the Destination<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’m not perfect</span></b></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was recently working on a bio related to developing
presentation opportunities. Along with mentioning some of my many
accomplishments, this bio revealed that I had gotten burnt out related to my
work with my non-profit organization, Forward Step. A friend read the bio and
expressed his concern. He thought that speaking of my experience of burn out
lessened my authority as a life coach. I was astonished at his perspective. I
told him that my authority to be a life coach didn’t come from being perfect. I
don’t claim to be perfect or infallible. My authority comes from embracing my
humanness plus my success gained in practicing what I teach. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Practicing what I
teach<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My emphasis in coaching is that I teach and use practical
methods that can empower people to gain greater consciousness and abilities so
that they can move ahead more effectively toward their goals. I know these
methods work because I use them myself and they have helped me. For instance, I
find value in the practice of Kaizen, constant incremental improvement. I exalt
in my experience of continual improvement. As a result of practicing what I teach,
my life is incredibly rich and wonderful. I am increasingly happier as I
progress on my journey along this path that I espouse of healing, learning and
growing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oXPHgcFd9vE/VLgZghSSuiI/AAAAAAAAAWk/krvVlGMAsyE/s1600/light-at-the-end-of-the-road.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oXPHgcFd9vE/VLgZghSSuiI/AAAAAAAAAWk/krvVlGMAsyE/s1600/light-at-the-end-of-the-road.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a><b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Enjoy both<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: justify;">There are many who say that it is important to focus on the
journey, not the destination. I say focus on and enjoy both! I love my journey of
healing, learning and growing, my progression toward any goal that I may have.
And I love arriving at my destination such as achieving a goal. I continually
celebrate my arrival at any destination. For me, this happens frequently,
sometimes on a moment-to-moment or at least on a daily basis. (FYI: This is
easy to do when the journey is the destination.) So, maybe I am perfect. In
this moment of arrival.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Have a wonderful journey! And enjoy arriving at your
destination! Happy
trails, Bibi<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">© Bibi Caspari 2015</span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8024131544738217460.post-71310147158458262692012-05-08T16:29:00.000-07:002015-03-11T10:37:20.804-07:00The Most Difficult Emotion<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">A range of emotions</span></b></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">People
may have anger issues. Or get a sudden panic attack. Or be grief stricken.
There are a lot of emotions and they all have their challenges. In certain
respects, I consider shame to be the most difficult emotion to deal with.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">The cause is out there<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">We
can find a way to justify our anger, anxiety or sadness. It is due to something
out there. We can have righteous anger due to some injustice. Anxiety looms because
of something that has happened or could happen, a situation that raises fear
inside us. We experience loss of someone or something and feel grief. We can
explain these emotions to ourselves, understand what leads to feeling them and
in doing so, perhaps find a way to make peace with them. This is not to
belittle any of these emotions and the possible impact they may have on our
lives. There are versions of each that can be devastating and debilitating.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">The cause is in here<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">But
shame isn’t about something out there. The essence of shame is that it is about
oneself. Sometimes it is triggered by something as simple as making a mistake
or not following through on a commitment. I’ve done something “wrong” and I
feel ashamed. Shame is about me at my very core being bad or wrong or
inadequate. We can’t explain it away by pointing to something out there. It’s
the most naked of emotions. We can feel totally exposed and want to run away
and hide. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vTD-l37X158/VLgV1BePU1I/AAAAAAAAAWY/miJq9YgvhQc/s1600/hiding%2B1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vTD-l37X158/VLgV1BePU1I/AAAAAAAAAWY/miJq9YgvhQc/s1600/hiding%2B1.jpg" height="200" width="133" /></a><b></b><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><b><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Hiding doesn’t work</span></b></b></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Sometimes
we do run away and hide. We feel ashamed and retreat from the world. Or sometimes we hide from our
shame by transforming it into anger or a different emotion, often by finding
someone or something to blame. Or sometimes we hide by creating a mask or armor
that may shield us from the world but which also costs us by prohibiting us
from being our authentic self. Whatever way we choose to do so, in hiding, it
just worsens the situation because hiding tends to reinforce the shame, making
us feel like an outcast. We often end up with a distorted sense of ourselves, a
view that inflames the shame. This can lead to a vicious cycle in which my
shame leads to hiding which leads to reinforcing my shame which leads to a
greater need to hide.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Forgiveness works<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">The
first step to healing shame is forgiveness. I need to forgive myself for my
blunder, my mistake, for not being perfect, for being human. I know that such
realizations sound trite and obvious. And, like any other realization, they are
trite and obvious to the rational mind. But to the emotive mind, to that place
inside that has the fears and doubts, to have such realizations and to own them
is to start the reclamation of peace of mind through love and compassion for
oneself. In doing so, we can let go, breathe deeply, and know that we are okay.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><b>Welcome to the human
race. </b>Welcome home. <b><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">©
Bibi Caspari 2012<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8024131544738217460.post-60487680838117331512012-03-21T21:09:00.001-07:002016-05-29T10:51:58.309-07:00Disappearing the Onion<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">What, again?</span></b></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">In
personal development, people often get frustrated when facing the same old
issue again and again. Fear of failure, running away from confrontation,
succumbing to temptations – whatever the issue, it tends to be present in our
lives and in our healing work repeatedly. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9-4xRhydpMk/VLgT9INg5qI/AAAAAAAAAWM/zxhtW2y79ek/s1600/Peeling%2Bthe%2Bonion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" height="143" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9-4xRhydpMk/VLgT9INg5qI/AAAAAAAAAWM/zxhtW2y79ek/s1600/Peeling%2Bthe%2Bonion.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Peeling the onion<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; text-align: justify;">Often
we are told by therapists or others who support us that healing and personal
growth is a process. The image of peeling the onion is used as a metaphor. When
a layer of an onion is peeled away, there is another layer underneath. When we
are working on healing an issue, while we can make progress, it is like peeling
away a layer. Another layer of the same stuff is underneath. We have to face it
again. Perhaps it looks a bit different or has a lesser intensity but
nevertheless, it’s essentially the same stuff. I think that the image of
peeling the onion is supposed to help us be compassionate with ourselves by
helping us understand that it is inevitable to have to face our issues
repeatedly. After all, our issues are our issues. In some ways, they don’t
really change. In peeling the onion, perhaps we uncover and discover something
about an issue and understand it more. Or there is less of the issue/onion as
we go deeper. Or we no longer need to cry when peeling it.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">The endless task<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">However,
for many people, the onion image really doesn’t seem to be soothing. After all,
the layers seem endless, perhaps even infinite. We keep peeling and the
frigging onion is still there! Instead of being a way to compassionately
explain the process of healing, the onion image can emphasize the futility of
personal development. Or at least that was the way it sometimes looked to me.
Until I started to have experiences that changed my perspective.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">A new world<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Yes,
the onion/issue was always there. Yes, I would continue to find ways to process
and heal the issue. Yes, it would appear less often and less intensely in my
life. And then, all of a sudden, one day, it was gone! I don’t even remember
what triggered the shift or what specific issue I was dealing with, but
suddenly, it was like I was in a different world. There was this universe in
which I and my onion, uh, issue, existed. And I was forever peeling the damn
thing. And then suddenly, it was gone, totally gone, as if in a different
parallel universe in which I could look across, like Alice through the looking
glass, see that other world where the onion existed and yet be free of it. Here
and now, where I presently was, it didn’t exist. I was at peace. Liberated.
What joy! It was blissful. Later, a shift happened and I was back in the world
where the issue existed. Yet, that world would never be the same because I had
inhabited, for even a moment, that other world in which the issue didn’t exist.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Living in two worlds<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Since
then, I continue to peel the onion while I simultaneously cultivate my ability
to travel to and live in that <span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">alternative</span> dimension, the one without the onion. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">I have since learned that the issues disappear,
not by repressing them or detaching from the world and others, but by healing,
and by opening my heart, mind and being more fully. </span><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">As
time goes on and I do more of my inner work, I seem to be getting better at
disappearing the onion.</span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">©
2012 Bibi Caspari<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2